Valentines Day – and how to avoid getting massacred.

Yes, February is upon us, and the second most commercialised day of the year is about to swoosh down.  It’s a lovely opportunity to remind the one you love, just how much you love them.  And I have one thing to say:

Hallmark don’t care about you – just your wallet!

Harsh, I know, but hear me out.  Showing someone you love them, means showing them you know them.  Buying a Pink Teddy with a heart shows them that you know you’re supposed to make a gesture, but you don’t know what.  A wrongly sized red lace bra and knickers says “Please can I have a shag”  it doesn’t say “I find you beautiful and sexy and want to be with to you”.

A well chosen gift says I love you because I know, understand and treasure you for who you are. Which might just earn you that shag.

Ok, rant over.  Do’s and Don’ts for Valentines Day. Men’s Edition

Do Listen.  If your lady tells you she hates Valentines day, pay attention.  And then go and ask her best friend or sister if she really means it.  If she does, odds are the thing she hates most is the rank commercialisation, and the Clinton’s Card aspects.  So tell her you love her, plan a nice evening at home with wine and a movie.  And take her out for Dinner in a week or two.

Do Some Research.  Underwear makes an acceptable Valentines gift, so long as you follow the advice here .  Put simply – check her sizes and preferences.  A woman would rather have lingerie she can wear for special occasions, than lace that makes her itch.

Do buy Roses – if the lady likes them.  Otherwise skip flowers, or choose her favourites.  And bear in mind that blooms cost less on every other day of the year, so if she likes flowers a small bunch once a month is more meaningful than 12 price-inflated roses once a year.

Do choose Jewellery.  You don’t have to spend a lot, but have a think about what she wears, and choose something she’ll wear because she loves it – not just because she loves you.

Do choose your Restaurant carefully If you choose to go out, choose somewhere that will be doing it’s full menu – not just a ‘valentines day set meal’.  Or get a chef, caterer or Deli to deliver dinner, clean the kitchen, set the table and light the candles at home.

Do go for Function over Form, especially with chocolate.  We women care what chocolate tastes like.  Not whether or not it’s been sculpted to resemble doves mating, or whatever.  Quality over novelty every time.

Don’t buy anything produced especially for valentines day, except a tasteful card.  What is she supposed to do with a 3 foot tall cute bunny rabbit?  It’s just clutter.  A beautiful vase on the other hand…

Don’t buy anything to get what you want If she wanted to be handcuffed to the bed posts, she would have told you so by now.  Buying pink fluffy cuffs as a present isn’t about romance – it’s about you guilt tripping her into doing what you want, and it isn’t nice, or fair.  And it certainly doesn’t say ‘I love you’.

Don’t spend excessively No further explanation required!

Don’t propose just because it’s Valentines Day. If you’re thinking of popping the question, now is not the ideal time, in my opinion.  Wait and ask her at a more personal, more surprising, more ‘you’ time.  It’ll be a much better story to tell the grandkids.

Don’ts and Dos for Valentines Day. Women’s Edition.

Don’t buy him anything Cutesy. He’s a bloke.  Buy him something he would buy himself.

Do be gracious if he gets it wrong.  He’s saying I love you.  That’s the important thing.

Do go with the obvious.  What men want for valentines day – steak and a BJ.